How to find your way through the wreckage

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Friday, 17 May 2013

Vogen: The Orks

The Orks - A Prologue Ballad for the Great Warboss Grotnutz

Author: Grotnutz (ghost written by Chazz)

“So what’s so good about ‘dis City anyway? Looks like a load of useless rubble to me.” Nugg, a member of Nob Squigskull’s Mob, picked up another card from the pile, sitting precariously high upon their makeshift table.
“Dat’s cause you Squigskull boyz don’t know nothin’? Bonegobz told us what’s goin’ on though.” Klugg sat opposite Nugg besides one of the many fires dotted throughout the Ork encampment.  By the light of the roaring flames they played a complicated game of cards, kept out of the blown slosh by their adhoc table. The game had been going on for hours and Klugg was noticing the increased swaying of the deck as their table’s arms began to get tired.
“Bonegobz says dere’s some Alien Killin’ Watnot that Boss Grotnutz wants.  So we is sneakin’ in and stealing it while the ‘umies have it out wiv one another.” Klugg slowly chose another card before swapping it out with one of his own, feeding the old card to the table.

“Bah! You Bonegobz boys think you better then us, but I’d watch out. Talk is your precious Bonesy is gonna try and challenge Grotnutz, and it won’t go well to be on the loser’s side when it ‘appens.” The table shook as the Ork’s artillery sent another barrage screaming through the night into the distant walls of Vogen city. Multiple cards went flying into the mud but the Orks didn’t seem to notice. The Big Guns had been firing for days and the walls showed very little in the way of damage.

Nugg lowered his voice, “Even so, ‘bout time if you ask me.  I reckon Grotnutz is losing it. We sposed to be sneaking into this City right?”  Nugg’s turn at the card game involved rummaging around in his pockets to find some left-over scraps of squig meat from lunch. These he quickly added to his hand, placing them in a precise order.
“Right.” Klugg was getting bored with the card game and was testing his theory on how much mud a Grot could fit in its mouth.
 “Well. I ain’t no tactishun. But I think someone in that City is gonna notice if we keep on shooting at it. Doesn’t seem real sneaky to me at all.”
“Dat’s why you’re a Squigskull boy.  You don’t see the bigger picture.” Klugg produced a toothy grin.
“Which is?” Nugg was becoming angry with the Bonegobz Mob member’s tone of superior’ness.
“We ain’t goin’ in where the Guns are shooting, that’s just a clever diversion.”

Klugg stretched out his arm, his index finger pointing dramatically towards the City. Its immense bulk stretched across the dark horizon, backlit by the flames of battle already raging within. Nugg followed the Ork’s pointed finger to a big open gate in the wall, not 500 metres away from the point of aim of the Big Guns. “We’re goin’ in there”
“Huh! Genius! They’ll never suspect it.” Nugg nodded in appreciation of the tactical mind of his Warboss, Grotnutz, knowing he could never hope to match it.

“Tell me ‘dis then, if you think you Bonegobz boyz know it all.  I always wondered why the Boss is called Grotnutz.” Nugg grabbed half the deck of cards remaining on the table, picked out one and threw the rest into the fire.
“What do you fink?”
“Well, you know. Cause they’re as big as. Right?
“You stupid? How would he even sit down?” Klugg found two of the cards he’d accidentally piled into the table’s mouth during his disappointingly short mud experiment. He wiped them off and added them to his growing collection.  “The Boss got the name cause of his secret weapon. I seen it for myself too.”
“What you talking about? I ain’t heard of no secret weapon.”
“Back on that big orange planet, when we fought the oversized red ‘umies, the Boss got knocked down. The big armoured ‘umie thought he’d beaten the Boss just cause he wasn’t awake no more. He bent down to finish him off only to have two maddened Grotz burst out of the Boss’s pants and stab him fifty eight times in the face.”
“Ah. Well that makes sense… You fink this Alien Killin’ Watnot the Boss is after is for goin’ down his pants too?” Nugg went to get another card and noticed there weren’t any left. The table was gone too, taking the opportunity, with the Orks distracted, to make a run for it.  “Bah! Grotz. So how many cards you got anyway?”
After a few strained minutes of counting, Klugg responded. “Ten. You?”
“Eleven.” Nugg smiled and went to grab the bag of teeth hanging at Klugg’s waist.
“What!? That squig meat don’t count as cards! You got nine!”
“ROOOOAAARRR!!” Was Nugg’s reasoned debate. He stood up in a flurry of mud, grabbing for his Choppa.

Nugg’s head exploded in a gory mess.

“That’s enough!” Bellowed Boss Grotnutz, having stumbled upon the altercation during his evening stroll.  “Get to sleep! The lot of you! Tomorrow we heading into the city and I don’t want no brawling. Plenty of ‘umies for that.”

Klugg smiled and grabbed his knife as the Warboss continued into the night to inspect the rest of the camp.  “Guess you won’t be needing these anymore.” Klugg started removing the teeth from whatever of Nugg’s head he could find in amongst the mud. “And anyway.  There’s dis new shooty blasta I got my eyes on.”

The camp quickly settled down after that, the Orks getting what rest they could before morning.  Warboss Grotnutz stood silently on the edge of the camp, his eyes fixed on the open gate to the city.  “Not long now. Not long until you’re mine…..”

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