How to find your way through the wreckage

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Sunday, 19 May 2013

Vogen City Herald: Trapped in a Gargant

In The Belly of the Gargant

Author: Hayl Dornic

Location: Vogen City - Northern Districts (stuck inside Gargant)

You would not believe how frustrating it is to be woken from a drunken stupor to find yourself draped around some kind of machinery that does not look quite up to specification standards. To be more accurate, it was the deafening sounds of gunfire resounding through the room I was in. My senses were telling me that I was safe, but the echoes of explosions that sounded like they were coming from the walls next to me was not comforting.

I clambered up a roughshod ladder into an upper area. There were a few viewing slits cut into the side of the room. Peaking out I saw the familiar vista of the Pleasure District, albeit from a height that was quite breathtaking. Poking my head a bit further out I discovered I was in some kind of red metal tower. It was definitely not Imperial, well maybe parts of it used to be, but not even slought-crazed hive mechanics would put together something so appallingly chaotic.

Nearby I saw some of the mighty Astartes warriors that had taken over the Spaceport recently. Rumours abounded as to what they were doing in the Pleasure District, no doubt like all good Imperial Servants they were looking after the local economy...But onto more important matters, these silver warriors were moving towards my big red tower with purpose.

The roar of a bombardment landing nearby sent me hurtling to the floor, almost slipping through the hole the ladder was poking out of and falling back down, possibly doing serious injury. Dragging myself upright using the viewing slit I kept just low enough so that my eyes could see over the edge. The bombardment did not hit the Astartes. With a grumble my stomach told me I had missed breakfast, however it was accompanied by a sinking feeling that I was in the middle of a firefight with only a big metal tower to hide in.

Noting the dire situation I crawled around the level I was in and found another hole hacked out of the armoured wall. Wishing that the builders of this tower had not taken the opportunity to put as many holes in my now highly valuable armoured walls I glanced out and saw the sickly green silver of Necrons marching towards me. Panic! I was trapped in a metal tower and I still owed a goodly sum to the Madame of the hotel I had been staying that was now under Necron control. They were coming for me! How did they find me? Maybe they planted a tracking beacon on me. Hastily ripping my clothes off I did a quick pat down. I had my grandfathers fob-watch, but that was about it that could possibly have contained a tracker. A quick prayer to the Emperor and I tossed it out the hole, watching as it sailed down and landed on the head of a rather nasty looking Wraith. The creature turned and looked up at me, the blood of a recently slaughtered Astartes warrior covering its bladed forearms. In a blink it disappeared. This was not good at all!

Panic was an understatement at this stage. I frantically tried to find another exit from the tower. I don't know how I got in, though my best guess is that I drunkenly climbed up the outside and fell in through a hole in the walls. The noise of bolter fire and blasts of Imperial weapons lent my comfort but as if summoned the Wraith from below materialised in front of me. Now I'm man enough to say I soiled myself. You would too if your favourite Madame had sent a Necron Wraith to come and shake you down for overdue loans.

It rushed at me throwing me against the wall. It raised its forearms to finish the task and end my glorious but ignoble life. Memories of cured bacon topped with shredded cabbage dressed in sautéed mushroom sauce flashed before my eyes. Time stood still. Looming over me the Wraith paused. Bright green eyes pulsed bright and then dimmed to the low burning colour of red. One of its forearms speared forward through my shoulder. I screamed as pain crashed into my nervous system.

Then the oddest thing happened. You will not believe me, but I swear it then patted me on the head! I looked up at my tormentor confused in time to see it drift away and vanish through the walls of my tower. Glancing at the hole in my shoulder I was surprised to see a wad of paper now stuck to the blood seeping from the wound. With my good hand I reached and plucked it from the blood. It read: "Hayle you scoundrel! Missy Emerald says you took off with her favourite knickers. Please return them promptly. Lovely Regards, Madame Jade." Thoroughly confused I wondered what she was talking about. It became clear when I did a more detailed inspection of my injuries. I was wearing purple underwear. I don't own purple underwear. Urgh well, this is awkward.

Gathering the rest of the torn clothes I started throwing odd bits of metal out the viewing hole at the Astartes below, maybe they could help me get me down out of this tower. One of them pointed at me. Walking over the warrior-giant slapped a flashing block to the wall. In a blast the tower shook and smoked bellowed up from below. With a wave he then turned and walked back to his squad. Down the ladder I went and the bright light of daylight shone through the hole freshly made. Ducking out I waved to the Astartes and began my walk back to the hotel.

The walk gave me time to reflect. Honestly, stumbling drunkenly out into the night without proper clothing, climbing a metal tower and ending up in the middle of a firefight, surviving a Wraith message courier, and being rescued from a metal tower, would make a pretty decent story at the bar. Looking back I tripped over myself as I saw what my metal tower had been. It was a colossal Ork Gargant! Painted in bright red it even had a roughly painted green face slapped on top of it. Well! My tale could not get any better than this! Maybe if I could find a Eldar courtesan for a massage.....

Anyway, much to do...ahem, a bit of laundry to be done. Dornic, from the belly of the Gargant, signing off

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